Stoner Heaven
Written by: Duffman
I would not consider myself to be a very religious person but I think I found what I want to go to when I die. Last weekend I think I died and went to the best place possible. Not because of one thing but the whole sum of everything put together that was experienced. As a person who is considered by many to be a pot head, I feel you guys and the many readers, will enjoy this story and agree.
It was about 2 in the afternoon and I was over at my friend’s house and it was the first real day of spring. It was a nice 80 degrees out and not a cloud in the sky. I mean this was really a fucking blue sky. No humidity, little wind and excellent company. Two of my best friends, one of my friend’s girl friends, and a bong. Now my friend’s house is out in the middle of the woods. The closest neighbors are about a quarter of a mile away and there is a pit where he makes bon fires right in the middle of his yard surrounded by a forest. We sit there and take about 7 bong packs, it was also the last day before spring break and we all go home, adding to why this was heaven. So, as we were hitting on the bong, all of us have the worst possible cotton mouth that one could think of from these multiple bong hits. Right as one of my friends mention the severity of his cotton mouth, we hear a truck start pulling up his drive way. We couldn’t see who it was but we could hear it. I go to investigate and as I turn the corner to the house, probably expecting to see another one of our friends coming to enjoy the weather the best way they know how; smoking pot in the weather. So as I turn the corner I see something that made me stop in my brand new 574's. A Deer Park water cooler truck. I didn’t want to move because I did not want to turn my back from a gift from God. Instead I call my friend who is maybe 35 ft away from me on my cell phone to tell him the joyous news. He explains to me that they should have come 3 weeks earlier because he ran out of water then. As the guy unloads the cooler onto the porch, all 5 of us crowded around it in joy. As he drives off we all get a glass of the freshest, coolest water we have ever tasted.
This was very good but the next thing that happened I will tell my grand children. So as we are all drinking our fresh cups of water, we smoke another bong and kill time out in the gorgeous weather and talk about stuff you would talk about being high. Favorite Nickelodeon TV shows and worst tasting Jelly Belly jelly beans. In the middle of me describing why Salute Your Shorts destroys Wild and Crazy Kids any day of the week, something amazing happens. I see everyone look beyond me, as if there is something behind me. I carefully turn around slowly and there is a deer calmly walking towards us. Now I am from the city, and this is a mile stone in my life. I make eye contact with the deer and thought it would immediately run away. WRONG! The deer walks past me and stands in the middle of the circle where we are and eats the grass around the bon fire pit. 5 minutes pass without us talking. Marveling at this deer in the most blazed out state I have come to recount. Without realizing we are all carrying on a conversation about why legos are awesome except for when you step on them bare foot while a deer is eating grass in-between us undisturbed.
To sum the end of the story up, 4 of my best friends and I are all sitting around a burnt out bon fire, talking about stuff everyone loves to talk about, in the best weather possible, drinking the freshest water I have ever tasted, high out of my skull with a fucking deer enjoying our company eating the grass around us. When I die I know that’s what I want to go back to.
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