Fd in the A
Submitted by: Jordan
Okay. Before I start the story, i have to say a few words about myself. I have no discretion, judgment, or ability to realize consequences to my actions. I am a walking, talking idiot. I also smoke copious amounts of marijuana, which further hinders my judgment.
So here’s the story:
One weekend, during spring break, I decide it would be a great idea to visit my friend, who lives across the city. I live in Vancouver, and it’s a pretty big city. It takes about 3 hours to bus out. Anyway, it’s Saturday afternoon, there’s nothing great happening in my part of town, so i bus to see my bud Mattie. I get to his house, and he greats me with a fat spliff. We blaze ridiculous amounts that night. Joint after joint, bong chop after bong chop. We eventually go to sleep at about 3am, nothing too crazy, but we were totally burnt.
Here's where the story gets good. Until this point, I had completely disregarded the fact I had to be home by 4pm to catch a plane the next day. I was going to Hawaii for spring break, and it totally skipped my mind. So i wake up in the morning, maybe 11 am, and I’m freaking out. If I miss this flight, my family will honestly crucify me. Also, I never really told my mom I was going to see matt. I just told her I was staying at another friend's, who actually lives close. She's a total Nazi, and she'd kill me if she found out. So I catch a noon bus, and all looks good for making it home on time. Ahh, wishful thinking. 20 minutes into the bus ride, it breaks down. We're just sitting on the freeway, and I think I’m totally fucked. 40 minutes go by before the bus driver gets it up and working. Now I’m cutting it real close. Another 2 hours into the bus ride, we're right in downtown Vancouver. My fucking retarded bus driver then rear ends another car. The drivers get out and start screaming. Meanwhile, I’m having a fucking heart attack in the back. I say to myself "Fuck this," and decide I just gotta run. I get off the bus; shove my way past a bunch of onlookers, and sprinter out towards the nearest bus stop. I catch the bus JUST as its leaving, with about 15 minutes before my family leaves for the airport. I phone them on my cell, telling them to wait. They pretty much say "fuck you, were leaving at 4, we don’t care if you get stuck behind." Now, I’m not one to pass up a trip to Hawaii. Anyway, the bus is getting close to my house, and I have seconds to spare. To get from the closest stop to my house, I gotta sprint through a park/forest place. I'm running through it at breakneck speed, falling over every few minutes because of a root or whatnot. Finally, there’s this big ravine... I'm fairly athletic, and figure I can jump it. I figured wrong. I leap across, and my left foot makes contact with soil. The dirt crumbles under my wait, and i start slipping. I smash my chin on a rock and it starts bleeding and shit. I fall into the little creek below, and get totally soaked. Nonetheless, I get back up, and sprint home.
So I show up at the door, and my mom sees me. I'm a bloody, dirty, soaking wet mess. I look like shit. Her first words are "Where were you last night, and why does it look like you slept in a meat grinder?" She figured out I wasn't where I said I would be. I try to explain, but she tells me to be quiet. She says "I've called your grandparents, they’re coming to pick you up for the next few weeks. You're grounded, and you aren’t coming to Hawaii." Then she turns, with my sister, and leaves. So all in all, I got F'ed in the A.
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